No talent ass clown-age

As you can see, there is no new layout. Yet.

See, the problem with having a Mac is that a lot of HTML code isn't recognized. [Did you see that? I totally sounded like I knew what I was talking about.]

So I tried to do some work on the layout at new job. I was careful and just worked on it during my lunch break....but still got jumpy when I heard footsteps coming towards my cubicle. I had a document related to work opened just so I could pop that screen up when and if someone came to talk to me.

"Hey there Bob. Just workin' on these TPS reports. Good times." {nervous laugh}

God I am SUCH a dork.

Also, I don't work with anyone named Bob. Not even remotely close. And I only wish we had TPS reports. Because then I could steal the copy machine and drive into work listening to "Damn it feels good to be a gangsta"

A girl can dream, can't she?

Be patient all. (All 7 of you. My blogging popularity is OVERWHELMING. Heh. I love you guys) A new layout is on its way. It's going to be fanTAStic.

on the verge (of 1 AM)

Remember how I said that I was sick of my blog layout/template/everything about my blog that isn't the writing? I'd link you to that post, but I'm just too tired.

I am about to change the whole thing. And buy a domain name. *Deep breath*

And it's not even because I have THAT many readers....or that anyone is demanding change.

[how does one demand change on someone's blog anyway? i am picturing tiny icons, representing bloggers, holding signs that say "YOU ARE BORING" and "Give us a pretty layout or give us death!" what? i'm so f-ing tired.]

It's just that....I don't like looking at it. I know....this is all vanity. I don't even like TYPING the damn site name - I always forget the g in growing and end up with a site name that looks like I'm some girl in Alabama just writin' about the good ole days and that there's my mamma and here's my story of growin' up!

Anyway.

This whole thing is getting uprooted and moved. Soon. Possibly tomorrow?

I promise I'll provide details as to where you can find me. It'll probably be something like www.iamdumbandchangedmyblogbutgotstuckwithalongerdomainname.com

if that is an actual site, I will cry with joy.

What would I do without her?

M: I mean, I know I'll never be the next Dooce, but it's cool when you find out you have readers
A: exactly
A: how the hell did she get so famous anyway?
M: she got fired from her job for blogging
M: the story went national
A: ohhhh
A: i didn't know it was publicized
A: i knew she was fired
M: that's how I first started reading her...I saw an article somewhere
A: damn
M: so basically we have to do something super extravagant
A: hmm
A: what could we do
A: that would be news worthy?
M: hmmm
A: shave our heads and go in and out of rehab?
A: oh wait
M: hehe
A: make a derogatory comment on MSNBC?
A: no, then people wouldn't like us
M: I suppose we would have to get naked. People always notice naked. Somewhere very public
M: no...but people like naked
A: people do like naked - but will they read our blogs if we are naked?
M: the naked bloggers?
M: I'd read it
A: truth
M: see...all these bald, racist, alcoholic people already had fame....we need to be even bigger
A: i know
M: type naked blogger into Google
M: I don't think we came up with this first...
A: dammit!

The Unbearable Lightness of Blogging

You know that commercial for cleaning products where the woman is sitting in front of her mop or broom and listing her grievances with its performance and then proceeds to fire him and bring in the new Sniffer Duster Plus now with Turbo boosting performance?

This is how I feel about my blog layout.

Since I started this blog, I have become sort of a maniac about the whole thing. I realize how ridiculous I am whenever I look at my blog and have mini panic attacks in my head...

I really don't like how gray the background is....maybe I should have chosen a shorter title....do I need a tagline?....why can't I think of a clever tagline!!?!?....I don't like my about me section....why does blogger restrict my creativity with its cookie cutter setup?...how can I be expected to write brilliant, witty, imaginative postings under THESE CONDITIONS!?!?!

See? I told you. Maniac.

I don't want my domain name to be so long and followed by dot blogspot or dot wordpress or dot typepad.

And I want to have Photoshop installed for free on my computer. Any takers?

It would be great if said Photoshop could come with a person to explain all the ins and outs of the program as well. Mmmm k?

No?

Fine.

And so begins the journey of developing a new design, a new layout, a tagline...maybe even a domain name that is easier to type. Because even I have trouble getting it right. Stay tuned.

I am insane

I decided that my blog was dull. Boring to look at. I mean, I had a blogger-made template for god's sake. The other day I was browsing through blogs and came across 2 (not 1, but 2!) other blogs that had chosen my polka dotted blue/green background.

Panic flooded me. Ah! I'm not original! I'm a fraud! How will I ever be taken seriously in the blogging world?

(I know, I've created a monster)

So I went searching. I took a break from my short story writing...ask me about that later...and decided to explore different blog layouts. Little did I know that I was about to embark on a hellish 2 hour activity.

I won't bore you with the details - but trying to rewrite HTML code over and over and over....it is maddening. I was at a coffee shop while this was all unfolding and my stomach was growling so loud, it drowned out the espresso machine.

The conversation in my head:

You are being obsessive and ridiculous! Go home! Make food! You are starving!

No! Look at my blog! It's all screwed up! How can I leave it like this??? WHAT WILL PEOPLE THINK?

You are losing it. You can fix it when you get home. You've been on this site for over two hours. Give it up.

I just can't leave it like this. My stomach can wait...

Look! It's snowing out. Really hard. You should leave now. Go home, put on sweatpants, make dinner. BE ON VACATION! It is spring break. You are crazy.

Yes, thank you I know. I just have one more thing to fix on the code and I'll be....

**I change the code and hit "preview" only to see a series of incoherent letters, numbers and symbols on the screen instead of my wonderful new template, customized to fit my blogging needs.**

AH! NooOOOOO! (pause.) Ok, you're right. I'm losing it.

Thank you! Let's get the f out of here.

So I'm home now. And I ate before I finally fixed it. So here it is - the new face of The Lighter Side of Growing Up.

If you don't like it, deal with it. I am not going through that again for a while.