Boobs and Bravo

Rhode Island is getting hit with a giant storm today....or, the excuse that I using to be so. ridculously. lazy. But the rain - my GOD the rain. It started around 8 or so this morning and has continued all torrential-downpour like. The streets, they are flooded - and the wind, it is making the cable flicker. Enough said.

I rolled out of bed at an hour that I am embarrassed to mention (11:30) and dragged my ass to the gym. M and I decided that Sundays are our rest days - but I missed Thursday and decided that my joints hurt and needed some pool therapy. I walked outside and to my car, drove to the gym and walked in, completely soaking wet. Well. It took care of the need to shower before getting into the pool. Ha. Gross.

20 laps later and I am panting and have jello legs. BUT! My kneeeees. They feel oh-so much better.

So I have to confess something. I am not a fan of the whole being naked in the women's locker room and walking from the shower to the toilet to the lockers without wearing even a damn towel. SO many women at the gym feel comfortable enough to walk around, unincumbered and without fear that their boobs are a-floppin'. And... fine. I mean, I still jump a little when I walk in and see an 85 year old woman drop her towel and bend over to search for her...garments. Whatever. I'm a terrible person. God bless her - she comes here, swims, stays healthy. But her boobs? Not something I necessarily care to see.

I'm sorry. I am terrible. Maybe it's just me....maybe it's because it takes me a while to feel comfortable being naked in front of anyone. Some people don't have this issue. Maybe I'm just jealous.

Or...maybe you should put some underwear on. Because. Seriously.

Anyway, now I am laying in bed with the dog (roommate's) at my feet and the Workout marathon on TV....and I am unable to find the energy to get up and take! a! damn! shower! Really I smell like chlorine. And my skin is yelling at me.

But new episodes keep coming on. Help! Cute lesbians! Working out! Gay boy drama! I can't escaaaaape.

P.S. Anyone who watches Workout - Who HATES Jesse this season? UGH. Shut up already. You like BOYS. Stop hating on the lesbians.

and then I got hit by a car.

I probably should have taken the universe's hint that this day was going to suck. When my alarm went off at 10 of six, I woke up only to discover that my throat was swollen and on fire and my body felt like a twisted pretzel. I thought briefly about still going to the gym and then swallowed. Owwwwwwwwww.

And...scene.

Apparently I shut my alarm off instead of resetting it and subsequently woke up late for class. Faaantastic.

After running around throwing on clothes and trying to make the bags under my eyes seem not so baggy, I flew out of the house only to discover that it was hailing. In April. Hail. Chunks of ice. Falling from the sky. April.

what the hell.

Ok good. At least the weather is consistent with the theme of the day: ways to make Ashley angry. Cut to me, walking to class [late, of course. which, coincidentally is the theme of my LIFE]. I am blurry-eyed and bundled up trying to avoid said hail when out of nowhere a car backs! into! me! That's right. A motorized vehicle slowly backed into my left shoulder. Holy hell what is happening in my life right now? Keep in mind, I am fine. It didn't even knock my over, just felt like a punch in the arm area.

The girl stops and gets out of her jeep and exclaims, "Oh my GOD! Are you ok? I was like TOTALLY not looking"

Now, on normal days, I may have just said, oh it's ok, I'm fine. And walked away. But remember today's theme. So I am angry. Very angry. So I reply, "Yeah, sometimes it's good to LOOK BEHIND YOU when you put your car into reverse. Just a thought."

Maybe a little harsh, but really? You forgot to look behind you? Did you miss the class in driver's ed where they tell you that the ability to see where you are driving is the most important part of the whole activity so as not to run over people, other cars and possibly small animals?

The rest of the day up until now has been fine, other than the fact that the hail has turned to pouring rain and my pants are still wet from walking outside because umbrellas are not designed to protect against horizontal precipitation. [god I really hate living in Rhode Island today.]

Only a few hours before I go home and crawl right back into bed. Because obviously that's what the universe has been trying to tell me to do all damn morning.