A series of requests

To mother nature:
I realize that officially spring isn't scheduled to begin until the 21st. But teasing us with temps in the high 50s this weekend was just cruel if you didn't intend for it to stay warm. February sort of kicked our asses, and we could all use a nice warm spring breeze. Also, I'm really fucking sick and tired of being asked "Is it cold enough for ya?"

To the new dog:
Stop pooping in the laundry room. It is such a random place to choose to drop one and it makes me think that you do it on purpose simply to be a pain in the ass.

To parking services:
I have managed to avoided getting ticketed by you good for nothing overpaid jackasses...so I have no personal vendetta against you this semester. However, today you were TOWING cars out of the Plains Road commuter lot where, every day, there are hundreds of empty spots. That is just a new low. Every time I see one of your cars, I hum the Grinch song. It is extremely fitting and well-deserved.

To my brothers:
Please be kinder to Mom. She loves you both more than you even comprehend and she is only trying to help. I realize you are self-absorbed teenagers (I was there once too, I understand) and you are sick of parental involvement. But she needs some kindness and compassion. Try to muster some up.

To my credit card company,
Enough with the phone calls. I know. I owe you money. I owed you money last month, I owe you money this month. I still don't own clothes I bought in 2004 at the Gap. I get it. But do you think I enjoy being in debt? Do you really think I have all kinds of money in the bank and just like racking up finance charges and bad credit? Have you experienced many people who exhibit this behavior? Didn't think so. Leave me alone.

To Arizona:
Please stay hot this weekend. I need some warm sunshine.