Tuesday, January 23

She works hard for the money

I hate money. Maybe this is because I have none. My guess is that most people who are broke hate money....or more accurately, the lack thereof. I doubt that millionaires sit around their beautiful beachfront mansions and discuss how much they just hate the three million they just made on their last movie.

Here's what I hate about money the most. The less you have, the more people take from you. The bank is a perfect example of an institution that bases much of its business on this this idiotic principle. If you overdraw your account, they charge you money. So let's say you have $14 and you make a purchase with your debit card for $18. Now, I'm not mathematician or anything, but I think that means you have -$4. And then, the bank charges you $20 for not having enough money in the first place. So now, you have NOT no money. You only wish you had $0....but you don't even have that much. Then the bank sends you a little note in the mail.

Dear Poverty Stricken Individual,

Recently we have noticed you are having some budgeting issues and your account was overdrawn by $4. We empathize with your situation. Therefore, we have charged the $20 overdraft fee to your account. Your account is now -$24.

Sincerely,

Your Bank
# I in Customer Inconvenience.

There are times when I think about taking a picture of myself wearing nothing but a barrel and eating a banana peel and put it on the front of a card and send it back to the bank.

Dear Ass Monkeys,

Recently I noticed that you took $20 of the less than no money I already had in my bank account. Being in banking, one would assume your accounting skills are top of the line. Therefore, I wonder why you act surprised that I am in debt, seeing as you charged me money for having no money. If you could perhaps take your empathetic feelings towards my recent impoverished situation and maybe give me BACK the $20 that you took that didn't really exist in the first place, that would be swell. As always, thanks for not fucking me big time.

Sincerely,

Another broke customer.

1 Comments:

Anonymous ken gilbert said...

this is some truly funny shit.

my wife works with yer mom and she turned us on to your blog. it's good work.

incidentally, we bounced two checks last week and the ass monkeys charged us a tidy 70 bucks for the service.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007 5:49:00 PM

 

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